I am not in love with the shape of you!

She is an ideal lady. She loves; she sacrifices and she compromises. She is an epitome of beauty and an allegory of motherhood and care. She cooks for the entire family and then rushes to the office. All this might sound really graceful and real and actually, it is. But, wait! Just think about how it has impacted the way women think about themselves.

I hope you would read the whole article to understand the point I want to convey.

Let us dive deep into the entertainment industry and how the picturisation of a woman has been done there.

Almost every Indian TV Serial:

The ideal teenage girl says “Whatever my dad would say is final for me”. I would not fight for my passion, for my dreams, for my love. And this girl is portrayed as the “good girl” of the family. And the parents hold their heads high saying “We have raised her with such values”. The value of not questioning your male parent’s decision, the value of staying mum, the value of wearing covered clothes, and the value of stopping yourself dramatically from loving someone of her own choice. Great values, seriously.

The not-so-ideal girl in the family plays some sport and wants to pursue it as a career. She gets the training without the knowledge of her parents and wears shorts as her sport’s requirement. Speaks up when her father mocks about her passion and takes out time for self-care. Sometimes lies to her parents and also has a love interest. Haww!! That was too much non-idealism na? You got that right! She is the headache of the family. You know what? She bought a sports kit with the money with which she was supposed to buy a saree for the meeting that was fixed with the boy’s family for her wedding. Unacceptable, indeed.

The ideal girl, according to TV shows

Well, that’s how most of the Indian daily soaps showcase a teenage girl. She is a daddy’s girl, basically who doesn’t question her daddy’s decisions and follows it like a slave, oh sorry, like a good daughter with some really great Indian values. And gets a great training of not giving opinions and be loud with her future husband, from her very own mother. And the “haath se nikli hui”, “kaichi ki tarah zabaan chalati hai”, “zyada hi padhai kar rahi hai”, “zyada hi paise kama rahi hai” is, of course, the bad one according to the standards.

Now, these teenage girls are growing up with such TV serial.  

The ideal woman in India is working on an office project late until night. Let’s say, until 2 o’clock? And then, wakes up at 4 in the morning, giving her two hours of sleep and with a thought in her head that she has to do it, after all, she has to be a “good” Indian lady. And her mother-in-law, her husband is super proud and happy about her. She doesn’t really acknowledge her own work or the sleep-sacrifice she did a night before. She just took a step ahead towards bad health, but indeed, an ideal woman she is. And gets applauded. And you know what? She is also very happy being an ideal Indian woman, with “good” clothes on her body and a long red mark of marriage on her hair partition. She instantly covers her head with the corner of her saree the moment her father-in-law comes around. She doesn’t answer back when she is blamed wrongly by her mother-in-law. And later, says, “No, I didn’t feel bad, this is just your blessing”. She feels that’s all a woman should be, and the purpose of her life is fulfilled. She is a “good bahu” and this is why the boy’s side chose her instead of her sister. Oh, let me tell you! I just generalised the Indian daily soaps, didn’t I?

Well her sister was very “practical”, “outspoken”, “career-focussed” and “self-respecting” person. But I don’t know they said she is “too bossy”, “not homely”, “selfish” etc. And that’s why she was “rejected”. It’s alright, trust me. She just hasn’t reconciled with the norms and rules set for women. But even she felt that she is a little off the line of the idealism of Indian woman. And also, she had some male friends at work. So yeah, she was very much off the track, right?

Hey, please don’t get me wrong. But don’t you think we have pushed every female into an invisible competition of being the best? The best beauty pageant, the best clothes on, the best zombie (oh sorry). Have you ever wondered why our mothers always keep trying to be the wonder woman? She wants to look beautiful, be caring, compromise and sacrifice all the time. Because that’s what she keeps watching on television or listens from society. She keeps pushing herself much more than her human limits. Womanhood is beyond being perfect and beautiful. Please don’t treat us as “Devis”, put us on a pedestal. We too, are imperfect like any human is. And there shouldn’t be any invisible competition for the “Devi of the family” award.

I am imperfect. I can’t wear makeup all the time. I can also love wearing makeup. I can stay quiet when you need peace, but not every day and not when it gets wrong with me. I can’t be superhuman. I can’t wake up at 4 when I slept at 2 last night. I may not like cooking. I would follow my passion and would speak up when someone stops me in a negative way be it, my own father. And trust me, that is not equal to disrespecting my father. Don’t picturise a lady on the TV being a super-human as an ideal-woman. Please don’t confuse our ladies about how she is supposed to be.

That’s how perfect I am, with all my imperfections, with all my flaws, with head held high, with my ‘unusual’ passion, with not liking to cook, with not compromising my health, with having expectations from my husband to divide household chores with me, with being lazy or a mess, with a passion for sport, or technology, with having male friends, with the comfort of wearing anything, with throwing tantrums, with being annoyed of the family I love, and yes with not having a face that exactly matches the protagonist of a popular TV show.

But trust me, I would still love and care and be a woman, with an opinion.

 

- Ravisha Sharma