Raised & Educated, Just to be ‘SETTLED’

 

“You’ll be settled in 3-4 years” is what I’ve been hearing since I turned 20. To my parents, that seems to be the ultimate goal, however, the question that I have is, what do they mean by “settled”?  Even if I adhere to their definition of being “settled”, I would still like to continue working after my marriage. Since it is my life, it should be my right to make these personal choices for myself, and my husband or my parents shouldn’t have a say in this.

This is when the word ‘compromise’ comes in. My mother tells me, that sometimes a girl has to compromise, because some things are out of our hands. I know that I will gain their support only if I adjust according to the situation. But what if I don’t want to adjust? What if, I want to lead my life on my own terms? My mother says that these desires will bring my family shame some day, and I will be the cause of her suffering.

My wishes to continue my job after marriage is received with fear by my parents, and if they cannot support me today, I know I will never receive their support in the future too, for any drastic life decision that I may take. They don’t understand that a girl has her own dreams, and no one has the right to snatch away her freedom to execute these dreams.

I understand that this is how my parents were raised. They have not learnt to live any other way. But their refusal to accept a changing society, and their inability to picture me as a part of this evolving world scares me. I know my parents love me, but they do not understand my fear.

The world has a lot to say about feminism, people believe that we have all the rights, freedom to work, speak out, and every freedom that a man has. However, women are still taken for granted, they are still considered inferior to men, and their dreams still don’t hold any value to parents who are just waiting for their daughters to get married and ‘settled’.

- Anushika Priya